Monday, April 10, 2017

10 April 2017 (Monday)

On this day in 1936:
Ruth came early. Took music lesson. Played with Bob, some boys, Ruth, Iris. Played in afternoon too. Bob Bob stayed with us all night. 
For whatever reason, I slept well last night, although for the 5th straight night I had a stupid anxiety attack (or whatever) around 2. 1/4 ambien took care of that and I miraculously slept until almost 5. Really had a good workout, too. Had to stop and get bagels. When I got home. . . .well, more on that.

Went to Cascadia right away and, right away, got really busy. Had two phone messages from TT asking if I could look into a couple of utility locates on two of the San Juan Islands, Pearl and Henry. That took an hour and a half. The Pearl one had gone through but the one on Henry didn't have an address and no real road. Apparently, no vehicles are allowed on that island and it only has one road marked. So they couldn't really locate it to send it out. Anyway, I did finally get it all worked out, mostly thanks to a nice, competent operator. So that was good. Also started more on the one report.

Went right to McD's for lunch and then home and worked a bit more on the report and then I went to UVil to cash a check and look around QFC for anything we might need. Spousal Unit was already home had a dentist appt. this afternoon. I made dinner (shepherd's pie) and went to UVil again for walking because it was off and on raining. Had some hail this afternoon.

So, will break with my recent tradition of not writing about emotional crap. I essentially came home from the gym literally sobbing. Something broke during last night's anxiety attack (or whatever). I won't really go into what caused the outbreak, but part of it was the realization -- and when I say "realization" I mean more like "sinking in" or "finally understanding" -- that the world and everyone in it doesn't exist to serve me. I know that sounds kind of trite and obvious, and it's not like I'm a totally self centered selfish person (at least, not more than most), but I think we tend to kind of assume that, in a way. Perhaps that's why I tend to get really irate at inanimate objects that do things I don't like. Anyway, I went through that for a good ten minutes and the rest of the day was just weird. Almost like I'd had the emotional wind knocked out of me.

It really does suck, all this. I almost wish I could go back to the way things were before Mom went down, but. . . .I guess one has to go through this sometimes. Maybe? I sure hope I'm better for it in the end. 

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