Thursday, December 29, 2016

29 December 2016 (Thursday)

Didn't sleep too well last night. Well, I take that back. From about 10:30 to 3 I did. Then I was mostly awake from then on out. May have dozed off a bit until 3:45, but I don't think so. Anyway, I got up then. Workout was pretty okay, but nothing spectacular. Cold in there again.

Came home and then went to Cascadia for a bit. I stopped off at the church on the way and dropped some stuff off. Margie was there and we chatted with the fill-in secretary for a bit (who I've met before but I don't know or don't remember her name). I lit a vigil light for the father-in-law. We went up to the UW to drop off a library book and get two others. Were going to have lunch at the HUB but everything was closed. Went down to UVil instead. Guts felt awful again this afternoon and I just watched some football and felt awful until about 3 when I went up and had a somewhat 'aggressive' and very productive guitar practice for about 45 minutes. More on that later. Bland dinner again and then walked at NGate because it's been raining most of the day. I'm not sure what's been going on with my guts; I haven't eaten anything terribly out of the ordinary lately. On the plus side, my cold or whatever it was has completely gone away.

The Spousal Unit's dad had the flu and he didn't spend the night in the hospital after all. I guess the rest of the family is mostly all ill though.

I also got some new suspenders in the mail. They clip onto a belt so I don't need buttons and they don't clip on and pop off all the time. I'm wearing them now and they seem to work okay. May be something worth keeping.

Also have an interview of sorts next Wednesday about a position in GH, data managing. Probably full time and I'm not sure if I would want to do that. What with going to Wisconsin every couple of months, I could probably only work a half-time thing and still do that. May not be able to do any research either. We'll see.

So. This is the last bit of emotional stuff I'm going to write here. First of all, I apologize to any readers and any future readers as well for all this stuff for the past few months. I don't feel particularly embarrassed about it and I'm not going to go back and delete anything or edit anything (note: I did edit some posts to ensure some anonymity). But I'm done with it now. I'm where I should be now. In truth, something did happen today to cement this in. Not going to say what, but I'm keeping it as a reminder. I've learned a lot about me and about. . . things. . . .the last few months. Too much emotion. I'm not good at it. And with whatever positives came with it, they were far, far outweighed by the hurt. So, I'm done with it.

I'm not bitter. I'm not resentful. Nevertheless, the word 'love' will never, I hope, pass these lips again. Perhaps. It's not me. How this will affect certain people, I don't know. But I can't make stuff up to say.

My new path, one that I'm comfortable with, is simply this: To be kind; to be thoughtful; to be unselfish; to be self-disciplined. No wacky imagination; no attention seeking bullsh*t; no chasing after 'happiness' since I don't know what it is or how to get it. As I believe I wrote earlier, everything for everyone else, for me, nothing. At least nothing having to do with trying to be 'happy'. I'll do what I think I need to do to improve myself -- cutting out a lot of crap as well -- but otherwise. . . .f*ck it.

That's it. Again, apologies. 

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