Well, today I did it: I confronted completely what had been bothering me. I went from the high last night right down into the pit early this morning and was just uncontrollably down for more than a half an hour. I finally showered and went out for breakfast and was still so distraught I asked to talk. And I did. I said everything. I don’t know why. I was in an entirely untenable position; if I did nothing, I would still be up and down and mostly down and would have more than likely cut off all contact which would have been bad, but hard to explain. So I gambled. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I said what I needed to say and. . . . .it went well. We’re good, apparently. I don’t know what will come of this in the long run, but at least I feel. . . . .not frustrated. Relieved. Adult. Drained.
Apart from that, I managed to sleep pretty well (side effect from being happy last night I guess) and after the morning events I was worn out but feeling okay. Walt drove me over to get the rental after meeting them for breakfast, and I got a minivan. They had one they wanted to get rid of and offered me free gas to take it so I did. Not bad; I don’t have a thing about minivans. Saw mom, she was pleasant but kind of out of it and tired. Not sure she really understood that I was leaving for a while, which was sad. She’s seemed maybe more out of it this time around, although at times everything was normal with her. Had lunch at Rocky’s, hung out at home for a while contemplating things, and then headed down around 1. Which was too early as I had the flight time wrong by like an hour (better than being wrong the other way I guess). Did okay there, sent a last text to the other person and got a good reply back.
So we’ll see.