Wednesday, November 30, 2016

30 November 2016 (Wednesday)

So, right now absolutely sucks. I'm sitting in an Oak Harbor Starbucks, it's 7 pm, and I have to go back out to the site at 8. Because last night we hit some intact midden. I didn't immediately recognize it, but showed photos to TT and Meg this morning and they said, yes, it was intact, so we had to tell DAHP and consult, etc. So I did and then followed a big mess where I had to come out here this afternoon and try to document the damn thing -- which I really couldn't because it was covered with big metal plates -- and then the owner showed up and he was an ass about it and I almost just left because of that.

Long story short, after much waiting and many phone calls involving the contractor, Meg, and DAHP, they can go ahead with the work tonight. I have to stay for hopefully just some of it. But we have to come out again tomorrow at 12:30 and draw the &^$#($^#( profile and document it and crap. And I may have to be here tomorrow night as well.

It just sucks. I am hating archaeology right now. Actually, I've been thinking of cutting back on it anyway and concentrating on getting more money from GH or somewhere else. I don't like these kinds of hassles for really nothing. Plus the company finances are not good -- we didn't get paid for almost 2 weeks because there was no money -- and I can live without the crap.

Anyway, that was my life today. And tonight.

Felt better to write things down though. Hopefully, the owner won't even want me out again. PLEASE!!!!

Oh, for dinner/supper I had a few handfuls of popcorn, a pear, a protein bar, and half of a chocolate bar donut. 

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

29 November 2016 (Tuesday)

Writing this up a little after noon since I'm going to the field earlier than planned, need to be out there at 4 instead of 8, which is good I guess. As long as it's an earlier night because of that. Talked with TT and I feel somewhat better about the job; my only anxiety is determining intact from disturbed midden. I think I can tell the difference. Fortunately, since the time is earlier, tribal reps probably won't be out there. I know, I do tend to over-worry things.

I slept pretty well last night although I needed assistance three time (minor). Just kept waking up. Workout was very good. Lots of people there though. I came home, ate bagel, and went to Cascadia for an easy couple of hours, and then Meg called and said the time had been moved up so I left. Got gas at Spam's Club and as I was pulling in I noticed Anne's (hair person) car right ahead of me! That was neat. Went to McD's for lunch and then got some dinner matériel and a donut and came home. Am wearing lots of layers including flannel-lined pants so I should be warm enough, but probably boiling in the car and elsewhere.

So, hope it's a decent might out there.  

Monday, November 28, 2016

28 November 2016 (Monday)

Woke up twice last night. . .twice?. . . .yes. Once to go to the other room and then a little while later to move to the floor. Boggled me because the second time it was still only 12:30. Ended up waking up at 4ish and couldn't get back to sleep. Sucked but didn't feel too bad.

Had a really hard workout this morning, just out of frustration and such. I'm working out more and more of that down there, also as it's one of the Good Things that I have decided to concentrate on. I've been trying to separate those things that are good, important, worthwhile. . .that make me feel good about myself, from other things. The former I will concentrate more on and try to drop the others.

Work downtown went well, kept busy the whole time. Chatted with both Sharon and Jillian, and went over for coffee with Rowena and sat with her there a while as she got her blood sugar up (diabetic). That was a Good Thing to do. I got the code and data for Engi's study finally in shape, but also found a problem with the old code having to do with calculating who is 'lost to followup'. Turned out some children were being moved to the adult clinic but still had an Exit form filled out and a bunch of these (like 2500)  were being incorrectly flagged as Lost. So I had to tweak it to catch these. Also finished the data memo (a little document describing how we obtained data) and gave it to Sharon to look at. Good day there.

Ride home was uneventful. Not too sad today although it increased throughout the afternoon. I think if I had been alone most of the afternoon I would have broken down at some point.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

27 November 2016 (Sunday)

For Jean Clausen's diary:
The coast conference ended California-Stanford-Washington-Oregon State-Washington State-Oregon-Southern Cal, U.C.L.A.
I think it's really neat that she is really into college sports.

Slept the usual last night. Took another nap this morning. We went out for breakfast cuz I didn't feel like cooking. Or typing out 'because' apparently. Hash browns were too salty so I didn't eat much of that and helped with french toast instead. Oh, I did watch the final Formula 1 race and it turned out to be at least somewhat interesting. Hamilton led the holy race - *yawn* - but Rosberg was close behind and only needed to finish in 3rd to win the championship. Near the end he had a couple of guys chasing humans it was possible he could have gotten caught; also Hamilton was ordered by the team to speed up (so the guys behind Rosberg couldn't catch up to him) but he refused. Hamilton's kind of an ass. Anyway, Rosberg won the championship; I don't care too much as long as it wasn't Hamilton. So, racing is over until February.

Went to Kohl's in Redmond around 10 to find some gifts for the nieces (two UW sweatshirts) and got those, and then came back and went to UVil for lunch and groceries. Had to stop by the Ace hardware on the way back and get some better Xmas lights. I'm sick of them going out after only one or two years. Was going to put them out but it was raining -- still is, we walked at NGate again. Mostly sat around this afternoon although I had a good guitar session. Since using the pick all the time it's a little more interesting. Am getting better, too. Read a while and made dinner and then walked.

Didn't feel too bad today. Might just be building up for release tomorrow or something. 

Saturday, November 26, 2016

26 November 2016 (Saturday)

Slept vaguely okay last night but I woke up at 4 or thereabouts. Took a nap later though. Stayed in for breakfast and didn't do much all morning except nap and watch football. Went up to North Bend but only to the Arby's because I didn't feel like waiting for a waiter and stuff. Bought a few things at the outlet mall. Came home and watched more football. Started cooking and reading at 3:30 and that was pleasant. I have a "Peaceful Holidays" station on Pandora that plays all soft instrumental Xmas music that is very pleasant this time of year.

Went to NGate because it was raining and I got some more workout shorts and a candle.

Spousal Unit kinda went all berserk last night so we had to spend some time Talking. She was in a much better mood this morning. I guess I was, but the usual sadness crept back during the day. I am, however, incredibly lucky in my choices. Well, one wasn't a choice, but still fortunate. 

Friday, November 25, 2016

25 November 2016 (Friday, Black)

Did I sleep okay last night? Until 4 I guess. Pattern now seems to be wake up at 12:30, go to other room, sleep until 4. Or thereabouts. This morning I didn't get back to sleep though. So I just got up and watched TV and spent 45 minutes trying to find the football show that is coming on at 4, but then realized it's Friday. Duh.

Went out for breakfast. I was so cold I ordered coffee and had the decaf which was kind of awful. Came home, took a probably 30 minute nap which is long for me. Went to the SBux because my stomach felt awful and then Skyped with Barb and Mom but the connection was bad so we just used the phone. Mom didn't talk much.

Went to lunch at Taco Slime and I had chili which is causing me much intestinal grief this evening.

Mostly watched football this afternoon. Also put up some lights. Drank some beer. Walked at UVil cuz it was raining (a bit) and needed buttermilk which was sold out at the QFC, harrumph. So went to Slaveway instead.

Felt okay most of the day, sad later on. 

Thursday, November 24, 2016

24 November 2016 (Thursday, Thanksgiving)

Slept quite well last night. Woke up once at 12:30 -- I thought for sure it would have been around 2 -- and needed a little assistance, and then again at 4 when I didn't think I wold get back to sleep but I did, right away. Go me.

Lazy morning. Watched TV, took a short nap, watched more TV, and then around 12:15 we drove downtown to the Daily Grill for Thanksgiving dinner. Almost was bad because the waiter (poor guy) took almost 15 minutes to get to us. But after that it went well. We had the buffet for $52 (way too much) but they had prime rib of which I ate approximately 35 pounds. Not a lick of turkey. Also some delectable sauerkraut salad, yuuuuuum. Ate almost too much but not quite. Tried walking around Pacific Place but they had most of it closed off. So we came home and Skyped with mom and Barb. Mom looked pretty okay. Talked fairly well. She thought I was in San Diego.

Ate a bowl of cereal for supper. When I was a kid we would have had sloppy joes for supper after the big holiday dinner meal. That's just what we did.

Walked a couple of laps at NGate. They opened at 6 and Macy's/The Bon opened at 5 and they will be open all night, probably until 9 pm tomorrow night. Spousal Unit bought some brassieres. (Had three tries to spell that correctly).

Squirrel bite is much better. Can only feel it when I really use that finger.

Liked this much better than the in laws'. Too noisy. I would be exhausted when I got home from that. Today was relaxing and lazy. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

23 November 2016 (Wednesday)

Okay day today. Slept pretty well, waking up twice, once around midnight and once around 2, I think. Assistance (minor) once. Woke up for good about 4:35. Workout went pretty well, too, doing a full upper body one since I won't get to work out until Monday. But was indeed sore today.

I went to Casadia around 9 and did a bit of work. Realized that we hadn't made up a contract for the work next week so we had to get that ready. Also did some piddly work. I think I left there around 10:30? Maybe 11. Went to McD's for lunch. Came home, did some more work and then went to NGate to drop the old bakelite clock off for potential fixing. And sat around the SBux out there and had some chocolate milk. Came home and the Spousal Unit was home already and we watched the last Terminator movie. Meh. Okay. Didn't make much sense. Mostly a way to bring a bunch of old characters back. Walked at NGate.

Got a bit choked up during the movie, but no breakdowns today. I want to reiterate that all this isn't functioning as any sort of drag on me or some kind of anchor or anything like that.

It's fuel.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

22 November 2016 (Tuesday)

The rains hath begun. Should be raining for the next few days.

Slept vaguely okay last night. Woke up at 12:30 (minor assistance) and then again at 4 (minor assistance). Workout went very well. My butt is going to be very sore tomorrow as I did a new lunge thing with a free barbell with my back leg raised up. Wow. I think it was better for my back, but I can already feel it.

Guy talk at the gym this morning between me and Stewart who has tennis elbow:

Me: Hey, how's the wanker's elbow?
S: *laughs*
Me: Hey, I didn't know you were left-handed.
S: It feels better that way.
Me: Oh, so it's kind of like cheating?

Heh.

Went to Cascadia and had to go through some things on the historic artifacts. TT thought some needed to be checked again and one bag hadn't been done. Couldn't find a couple of bags. But it took until almost 11:30. Talked to Meg a bit and then went to NGate for lunch and then to Spam's Club for nuts and Vitamin E. I'd gone off of E for a while, but I am going back to it. May not last though.

Came home and raked some leaves in the front and filled up the yard waste bin. Then went to UVil and got a new power strip and sat outside at SBux. Would have sat inside but it was full. It was okay outside though, I wasn't even cold. Interesting fashions there today. Came home, broke down some, and hooked up the new power strip. Tried the voice activated control for Amazon Fire TV and it worked quite well. I said "play Garbage" and it knew to play Garbage (the band) and shuffled all their songs. Am liking this. So that works.

This morning Sheila was hanging out by the front door so I gave her some nuts, and fed her a couple by hand (carefully). This afternoon she was in the back yard and actually followed be to the front just like a little pet. She's adorable even if she bit me.

Walked at NGate because of the rain. Fairly sad today. Bit more frustration than lately, too. But okay I guess. 

Monday, November 21, 2016

21 November 2016 (Monday)

As I stated on Facebook, myth hath become somnambulistic reality:

Already found one big goof and a couple of minor ones. Sheesh. One map figure is totally wrong. Still, good to see it finally a reality.

LSAt night sucked. Spousal Unit got all upset, had to calm her down, got to sleep late, etc. Blehh. Workout went well though. I went downtown and worked until 11:30 and got quite a bit done. Went for lunch with Janet and had a nice visit. She's quite happy, I think.

Came home and hooked up the Amazon Fire TV thing and found I didn't actually have an HDMI cable so I went to UVil and bought one, then hooked it up and. . . . .nothing. Ticked me off good. Turned out to be the power strip. So after I finish typing this I will go down and put in a new one.

Anyway. Lost it again this afternoon, but it felt good to let it all out. That's part of the reason I am not worried; it's a release mechanism. Carefully controlled (mostly). 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

20 November 2016 (Sunday)

From Jean Clausen's diary:
I think the P.C.C. Championship will come out like this -- California, Stanford, Wash., Oregon, Wash. S., S. Calif., Oregon S. and U.C.L.A.
That would be the old Pacific Coast Conference. I guess Ms. Clausen was a big UW sports fan. Did I mention I found out more about her? Her obit is here.

Kind of an odd day today. I slept marginally okay. Prozac Nation isn't really doing much of anything as far as the night time goes. Oh, I was going to start splitting the dosage but forgot today. Oops. Well, whatever. I slept until a little after 4:30 I guess. Took a nap this morning. Ate in. Didn't go to Mass. I pray enough lately. Mostly sat around all morning. Watched the old movie Westworld; HBO or Showtime has a new series based on the movie, which is quite a bit racier. I mean really racier. Lots of nudity and simulated sex and stuff. Interesting though.

Went to Five Guys by NGate for lunch and then got an Amazon Fire TV thingie which I haven't hooked up yet. Trying to get as much off of cable as possible. Did grocery shopping at UVil but left quickly to watch the race. Jimmie Johnson won and the Cup which I didn't like, but whatever. I did play guitar for a while. I thought my finger would interfere but the bite is in a different place. Still hurts but not as much as I thought it would. Seems to be healing nicely. Hopefully I won't get lupus or lyme disease or gangrene or anything. She really dug in and wouldn't let go. I don't blame her though, she's always been very gentle, it was my fault for not setting the nut properly.

Well, she did kind of get greedy.

Went to UVil to get some stuff we neglected to get this afternoon.

Was fairly sad all day, but was rarely alone so no breakdowns. Guessing tomorrow will be worse. 

Saturday, November 19, 2016

19 November 2016 (Saturday)

Sheila bit me!!!!

The squirrel. She was going for the nut before I had it securely in my fingers and grabbed onto the finger and wouldn't let go. Aye caramba. Hurt like the dickens. Bled a lot, too. Must be careful.

I slept vaguely okay but woke up at 3:30 and I'm not sure I went back to sleep. I think I did. But I took a decent maybe 30 minute nap later and felt okay. We wen over to Norma's and it turned out to be a rather large get together, with several people. I sat next to Norma the whole time. Nice visit. We'd gone to McD's for breakfast and was there when I got the voice mail about it and so I didn't eat all of my sandwich. So it was nice.

Went to UDist to get the Spousal Unit's hair cut and I sat in the book store. Lunch at Paglicacci's and then an estate sale and then home. Watched football. Walked at NGate. Was sad most of the day but got some feedback, and that was okay.

Broke down again last night after signing off here. In a bad way.

Me and Norma:


Friday, November 18, 2016

18 November 2016 (Friday)

Well, on the plus side I didn't really brown down sobbing this afternoon.

I did it at 4:30 this morning instead. Woke up at 4, laid there praying and junk, and eventually just got to the sobbing part. It felt kind of good though. Workout started out poorly but I got stronger as I went and ended up having a very good one.

Came home, ate bagel, did a little laundry, and then went to Cascadia and cataloged junk until about 1 (with a trip to QFC for lunch). Kind of boring, but more interesting than other junk I do there. Met Fiona at NGate at 1:30 and had a nice visit. Came home, dinner, walk, etc.

I'm not overly concerned that the sobbing fits are still going on. I can state rather confidently that I am not depressed, in a clinical sense. Just sad. For good reason. Reasons. I'm okay with it. I need some time like this to readjust and realign. Decide what really matters and how I'm going to exist from here on out. It's okay.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

17 November 2016 (Thursday)

Day 2 of increased dosage of Prozac Nation: Woke up as usual last night although the second time my thoughts were getting revved up but they weren't all negative and such. Needed assistance the second time, albeit very minor. It's the negative stuff that irritates me. Ended up sleeping pretty okay.

Workout was on the verge of being great but my back started to give out. Can't seem to get up to 135 squats without it going. May have to cut it back to 115 and just stay there and maybe do really deep ones. Still worked pretty hard though. Did mostly Coptic work this morning waiting for the sewer guys to show up at 10 which they did about 10:10. They snaked a camera down the access point in the back yard and I watched. Was clear except for a few roots.

Went to lunch at Five Guys and had fries. Then went to Cascadia and did some cataloging of historic objects for a while and then finished up a report and sent it off. Home, guitar practice, dinner, walk, etc.

Got a text from Michele which made me happy. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

16 November 2016 (Wednesday)

From the diary of Jean Clausen:
The Washington Crew for the first time in history won all three races two timed in succession at Poughkeepsie -- Never will again. 
Kind of a weird day. Was awake twice last night but still slept reasonably well. Workout was fine and I ran up on the track for about 15 minutes and nothing hurt (always a plus). Worked a bit here and then dropped some food donations off at Assumption and chatted with Carol for a bit. Then went to Cascadia and finished up a couple of things. Looks like no fieldwork this week. I think I will work on Coptic stuff tomorrow and then not go in next week since I will probably be in the field Monday anyway. I left there around 10:30 and went to Spam's Club and the PetsMart. Decided to have lunch at home and ate the leftover BBQ place junk which was kind of gross but I was starving. Did a little more Cascadia work until the stupid WebMD place called up and gave me a bunch of useless advice on my health status. Meh. Whatever.

Went to UVil for comestibles and then sat at SBux for a bit. Needed to relax. Came home, had a good practice session on the guitar and then had a low-level breakdown and then read and made dinner (salad). We have four squirrels begging for handouts daily now: Sheila (old female who will take stuff from my hand readily), a couple of other more skittish adults, and then a cute little young one. Sheila's a beeyotch and like to chase the other ones off, but I think she's just a survivor.

I did my first goofy thing in Facebook in a couple of months: Transferred my face to a Rick Astley pic and made it my profile. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

15 November 2016 (Tuesday)

Slept okay last night. Needed assistance. . . .don't remember. Maybe twice? Killed it on the workout, too. Did some work at home before heading to the Dr's office. We're trying to up the dosage of the prozac junk by 50% and see what happens. Not sure if it helped last week or not when I took 1.5 but we'll see. Going to try one in the morning and then another half in the late afternoon.

Went to Cascadia most of the day (until 2-something anyway) and got a decent amount done. Lunch at NGate. When I got home I called up Norma and went to see her. She was doing okay, but the physician said she's probably got 2-3 months left and is officially in hospice. I don't know what drew me to her or how we even met but I do adore her. It will be sad when she goes.

Came home and bawled like a baby for ten minutes. Not really so much about that as the Other Thing. But it didn't help.

Walked at NGate because it's raining.

BTW, I made this thing public again. Ready to get at least a little back Out There again.

Monday, November 14, 2016

14 November 2016 (Monday)

Not such a bad day I guess. Needed assistance twice last night getting back to sleep. I didn't have an anxiety attack (or whatever), really, was just cogitating about too much stuff. Then I woke up again at like 3:45 and decided to take a small amount and hope it was enough to get back to sleep which I did. So, felt okay from a rested standpoint.

Workout was very good, née, exceptional, mainly due to the adequate rest, pasta last night, and hydration this morning. Went downtown so I could meet with SG. Didn't get the complete data from Kenya AGAIN, so I was kind of fishing for things to do, although I ended up spending some time on the LEEP study stuff and fixed some diagnoses. For several of the Initial cytology DX's I had used the very first one, but should have used a later one that triggered randomization. So those are fixed and I think they should be pretty well set. Had a nice chat with Jillian, too.

Ride home was uneventful. Went to UVil to get bagels.

No breakdowns today, although I wasn't alone much. Didn't get really down either, although that might have to do with some texts with The Principle and maybe just the day.

Sunday, November 13, 2016

13 November 2016 (Sunday)

From the diary of Jean Clausen:
While at hospital recieved[sic] flowers from Mrs. McCloud & also (gift0. Ken Johnson Mrs. Patterson, Aunt Lu, Daddy. Letter from Miriam book from Auntie Beth. Flowers from Ladies Aid. Books from Mother & Daddy & pajamas. A fine box of candy from Aunt Christina. Flowers & book from Annabelle. Brass Bell from Elliot. Rev. Allen oranges. Candy from Mrs. King. Book & flowers from Heberts. Candy Aunt Carrie. Flowers Mrs. Helmick. Picture verse Lo. Jean. 
Am now downloading a book called Breweries of Wisconsin to read. Have read three books on the beer industry. Fascinating.

So-so day today. I required some assistance around 3 this morning, but otherwise I woke up a couple of times but went right back to sleep. I was on the floor second, and then moved up to the couch when my hips were hurting (at 3). Decided not to go to Mass this morning. I dunno why. Well, I wanted to watch the F1 race, but it didn't start until almost 9 anyway. And kept stopping because of rain. Mostly sat around all morning. Went to Taco Time on Lake City; still don't like that place. They just aren't as well-trained and the restaurant isn't as functioning as the other ones. Went to UVil for groceries, etc.

I did play the guitar for a bit this afternoon, callouses are starting to thicken up again. Still using the pick for everything and really concentrating on fingering I plan on doing nothing but fingering exercises and chord repetition for a while. Decided I might also play my trumpet, too. Saddened up later in the afternoon, but I guess I got a lot out yesterday so no tearing up even.

DIdn't walk because it was raining, but cleaned instead. Made chicken souvlaki for dinner with leftover pesto pasta and some broccoli. 

Saturday, November 12, 2016

12 November 2016 (Saturday)

Kind of a quiet day. Second night in a row I didn't need any assistance sleeping, although I woke up several time and made it until almost 5. Was still tired all day. But no anxiety attacks (or whatever) in the middle of the night and I never went to the floor.

Went out for breakfast. I took sort of a long nap this morning I think, was just very sleepy. Went to lunch at the BBQ place, then to an estate sale (nothing). Short nap again this afternoon. Went and broke down this afternoon again. The whole Norma thing really saddens me. People are just dropping like flies around me. Didn't like doing that in front of the Spousal Unit, but I went to check the mail and it just sorta came flooding out. Now she's mad at me for some reason. I mean, besides the usual whatever lately. I don't know, it's difficult to care about much of anything lately except the stuff that needs to be done.

Badgers won big. Huskies losing at the moment. 

Friday, November 11, 2016

11 November 2016 (Friday, Veteran's Day)

Last night was the first night in a while that I needed no assistance sleeping. Still woke up several times, mainly because I was on the floor all night and was a bit on the cool side. I probably woke up a little before 4 but felt okay since I didn't have long waking periods through the night.

No workout because the UW is closed so I did some work here in the morning and then went to Cascadia around 6:45. Didn't do much there, but stayed until around 8:30? Came home. Got my boots and gloves and went to the SBux in Greenwood (because they fill the damn thing up all the way) and then went to Lowe's to get another 12 bags of gravel for the side yard. That was just barely enough. Still could use a few more to fill in though. But it looks way better than it did. Finished that by 11:15. Went to lunch at the Five Guys by Northgate and just had some fries. Met Fiona at UVil, really crowded place; the UVil, not the SBux. Nice visit. Came home and. . . .wait, on the way there I saw Norma and Sunny outside the latter's house so I stopped. Bad news: Apparently, Norma has taken a turn for the worse with her cancer (whatever kind it was) and. . .well, she said "days" but I don't know. She looked very tired and slow. They're going to give her a transfusion tomorrow to see how that works. I'm hoping for the best. Still, makes me sad.

That was about it. Read. Made dinner. Walked. Sad day. Broke down some this afternoon. 

Thursday, November 10, 2016

10 November 2016 (Thursday)

Slept okay last night but with much assistance. Woke up at 3:38 and decided on an ambien because I was thoroughly awake and all wigged out. The usual.

Had a really good workout, too. Up to about 130 on squats.

I didn't really do much today. After the gym I unpacked the picture sent from Wisconsin and hung it up above the mantle in the living room and then hung some more up in various places. Tried to do some work, but mostly read blogs on the election. Lefties are going nuts, of course. Nitwits.

Went to McD's for lunch, and then went to the UVil to mail a check for the patio work that was done, and hung out in the SBux for a bit. I dunno, didn't really break down today, but got somewhat teary this afternoon. I took 1.5 of the Prozac this morning -- they'd included a broken one -- and maybe the extra dosage tamped that down? I dunno. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

9 November 2016 (Wednesday)

Whoa. Trump won. Did not see that coming. Not many people did. I didn't find out until this morning. The old witch Clinton wouldn't even come out last night and concede. Probably drunk. I'm not overly excited, although as a committed anti-elitist all of the right heads are exploding.

Anyway. I slept okay last night, although assistance was needed. Decent workout, did a full upper body one as Friday is out. Worked some at home, tried doing some more Coptic data but the pharmacy files are either missing or all fouled up. Drove to get a mocha because it was raining and found it was maybe 2/3 full. Happily I could top it off at home. Went in to Cascadia for a while this morning and finished a couple of things up. Left there at a little after 11. Had lunch at UVil after mailing Michele a Thank You card. Got some stuff for dinner which we ended up not eating as the Spousal Unit's appt was at 3:30 and she didn't feel well enough afterwards so I just ordered salads and breadsticks. Walked by myself. The picture from home came today. I'm going to open it up and hang it tomorrow.

Not a bad day, I guess. Got a little teary a couple of times but no major breakdowns, partly because at prime breakdown time I wasn't alone. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

8 November 2016 (Tuesday)

From Clarence Lyons' diary:
Feb 13 1954: Tonight before Louise and I went to play for a basketball game and a dance we came down to the house and I gave Louise her valentine day present and she gave me a beautiful picture of herself and a cake for my present. 
That's kind of sweet of her, I guess.

What a day. I managed to sleep pretty well, in the bed, couch, and floor. The latter was the last and I slept until the alarm. Was awake around 2:30 and the Spousal Unit was up sometime after that and came in and looked at me. I went back to sleep.

Had a decent enough workout although I had to not do the leg press because it was always in use. Made up for it riding the cycle. Worked at home for a bit and then was going to drive the Mustang but it had a flat. I pumped it back up and took it to the Discount Tire and had it fixed, sitting at a nearby SBux while it was being done. Went to Cascadia after that and did a few things. The excavation permit I wrote up was approved and one of the tribal archaeologists sent a note to DAHP saying it was well done and they liked it, so brownie points there.

I left around 11:20 and went to McD's for lunch. Did some Coptic stuff at home for a while -- the data they sent is a mess -- and then went to UVil and sat in SBux and got steaks for dinner. Am cooking them better now. Mostly I have decided I can eat it quite pink. Broke down sobbing but not as bad as yesterday. That's the pattern: I may wake up feeling lousy, but the middle of the day goes well, but I steadily get sadder and sadder and then lost it sometime around 3. Which is fine, I don't mind. I mowed the front lawn and then sat and read my book. Walked.

Election day today, I plan on not watching any of it. Clinton will win, obviously, or should I say "win" since I don't trust anything any government does anymore. In some sense I don't even care because all that I am going through lately had affected me far more than anything like an election. May go to Mass tomorrow morning. 

Monday, November 7, 2016

7 November 2016 (Monday)

Kind of an okay day. Managed to sleep pretty well albeit with assistance. Still waking up although not necessarily worry-warting a lot.

I ordered a pith helmet from Amazon today. I've been meaning to try one out for fieldwork, primarily in the rain. The one I ordered is something like a hard hat (I hope) with it sitting off the head to provide ventilation. Gambling that it is waterproof (i.e., plastic) under the cloth. May be in the rain Friday so I wanted to try it out. Should get here tomorrow.

Workout went well. Worked here for a bit before going to Cascadia. Busy there, finishing a report with the bridge examination and recommendation having to be done. Still need to do some stuff with the HPI form. Also did a cost estimate.

I had lunch at NGate and left there around 1:15. Went straight to UVil to the bank and then sat at SBux for a while. Came home and promptly broke down sobbing for like 20 minutes. I'm still glad I did what I did Saturday -- probably one of the hardest and most draining things I've ever done -- but I feel. . . .better. Not as much frustration I guess. At least now it's out there and done with and whatever happens happens. I have done what I could.

Started reading a book on Budweiser. 

Sunday, November 6, 2016

6 November 2016 (Sunday)

From Jean Clausen's diary:
Will Rogers died in an airplane crack-up in Nov. 1935 and "In Old Kentucey[sic]" was his last picture. Walley Post also was killed.
Actually it was in August of 1935.

Odd day today. We turned the clocks back and we both ended up getting up at about 4:15, new time. So it was a looooong morning. I had slept marginally okay, getting up twice and ending up on the floor. No big worry fits though.

I did go to Mass. Wasn't thrilled with it. Lots of kids there but I wasn't really into it for some reason. Just feeling exceedingly wrung out and drained. Went to McD's for lunch and then to the UVil for shopping. Went to an estate sale afterwards, nothing worth buying or even mentioning. Well, except for a lot of seashells. Also toured the house on the corner that is for sale. Looks okay, but doubt they'll sell it at the price they're asking ($700k+). It doesn't even have a garage, just a single car port.

Made dinner, walked, etc. I did pick up the guitar today, first time in over two months. I decided to always use a pick. Was very aggressive with it, too. Felt good though.

Did okay today, but had its ups and downs. Like I said, drained. 

5 November 2016 (Saturday)

Well, today I did it: I confronted completely what had been bothering me. I went from the high last night right down into the pit early this morning and was just uncontrollably down for more than a half an hour. I finally showered and went out for breakfast and was still so distraught I asked to talk. And I did. I said everything. I don’t know why. I was in an entirely untenable position; if I did nothing, I would still be up and down and mostly down and would have more than likely cut off all contact which would have been bad, but hard to explain. So I gambled. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I said what I needed to say and. . . . .it went well. We’re good, apparently. I don’t know what will come of this in the long run, but at least I feel. . . . .not frustrated. Relieved. Adult. Drained.

Apart from that, I managed to sleep pretty well (side effect from being happy last night I guess) and after the morning events I was worn out but feeling okay. Walt drove me over to get the rental after meeting them for breakfast, and I got a minivan. They had one they wanted to get rid of and offered me free gas to take it so I did. Not bad; I don’t have a thing about minivans. Saw mom, she was pleasant but kind of out of it and tired. Not sure she really understood that I was leaving for a while, which was sad. She’s seemed maybe more out of it this time around, although at times everything was normal with her. Had lunch at Rocky’s, hung out at home for a while contemplating things, and then headed down around 1. Which was too early as I had the flight time wrong by like an hour (better than being wrong the other way I guess). Did okay there, sent a last text to the other person and got a good reply back. 

So we’ll see. 

Friday, November 4, 2016

4 November 2016 (Friday)

What a difference a day makes. Slept awful last night, in the bed, on the couch (not sleeping), back in the bed, back to the small couch, and back to the bed. I woke up around 3:30 on the small couch and decided to just lay in the bed for a while, but ended up dozing off again and I didn't bring the alarm up with me so I slept in. . . .by 7 minutes. Felt awful, emotionally. Just awful.

I got better during the workout, but still not good. Did some work at home and then the lock guy came over while I was cleaning and he got that fixed up. I went to the Home and mom was pretty tired. I left there and got the car gassed up and washed, had lunch, came home, did a couple of other things, and then went for a ride down to the A&W. Called my dear cousin Michele (not there) and left feeling bummed again, and then went back to the Home. Mom was in a mood and ended up on one of her crying fits, but happily dear cousins Michele called soI was able to sneak out for at least part of that. Talking to her made me happy again.

I went for fish at KC Hall with some of the family and also Mike Fritz ('Fritz') who I haven't seen in decades, probably 1982. He seemed quite pleased that I'd contacted him and it was really good to see him again. It was just a great time and I came home in a good mood, about 180-degrees from last night. Sad and pathetic I guess that my moods swing so much. But I am what I am. I went for a short walk. 

Thursday, November 3, 2016

3 November 2016 (Thursday)

This is the third time I've tried to write an opening sentence. Hard to express how bad I feel right now. Same old thing. I really wish I could just dry up and blow away right now.

I slept okay last night, only woke up once and did not need assistance. Good workout. Got a lot done. Mailed the picture and a box of stuff back. Got a locksmith over and he put in a deadbolt on the front door. He's going to make the doorknobs work properly, too. Went for a bike ride this afternoon.

Mom was okay today, although going off on a lot of tangents. Went to lunch with Janice. Talked with Mrs. Fritz and then Mike later (we were best friends when we were teenagers).

I dunno. Sux right now. 

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

2 November 2016 (Wednesday)

Slept rather badly last night, although I got to sleep pretty quickly. Then I woke up and went to the couch and couldn't get back to sleep and then I went up to the bed and went back to sleep and then woke up and went to the couch, etc. Sheesh. Had a really good workout though. This Prozac crap sure isn't doing anything for this middle of the night crap (so far).

I cleared out the dining room first thing and cleaned that room. Found that Shout (fabric pretreater) seemed to get rid of some of the stains, although there was a tiny amount of it, but found something else that worked as well. It looks better, even the darker path from the kitchen looks better. That took until about 9 or 9:15. Went to SBux and thence to see Mom. She was sleeping so I went out and did some work. Coptic files are all messed up. Had some visit but mom was tired and even Janice couldn't get her to be reasonably coherent. I left and got a box and such and then went to Connie's Diner on Main St. Not bad. Halfway decent burger. Fun sitting at the counter. Went home after that and did some box packing and some other things. Oh I did some laundry this morning, too. Hung it out on the line.

Went back to see mom for a while, still not making a lot of sense. Asked me if I was going to the funeral home and if my mother was an attorney. Went to the Target before seeing mom and got some casters for the table.

I got a pasta dish at the Festival and then ate at home and drove to the Library and walked up to the Home. We Skyped Barb and then Skyped Phyllis. Mom was going on and on about a video and eBay and email at Barb, but was more coherent with Phyllis. Although the latter had a baby and daughter who were being loud and obnoxious but Phyllis wouldn't tell them to be quiet or leave.

Anyway. I dunno. Kind of a rough day at the start, very frustrated and bummed, but I slowly got better. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

1 November 2016 (Tuesday)

Interesting day. I only woke up once last night and then at 4:30.. Fortunately for me I did because I'd left the alarm iPad upstairs, although I was heading in that direction when I noticed the time. Decent workout.

Came home and cleaned the living room carpet. That took about 30-45 minutes all told. I just did the areas not covered by the couches and the TV stand. I came back later in the morning and was going to do the other areas but when I pulled them back those areas didn't seem to need it. I piddled around and then had a burger at McD's and then drove down to West Bend to meet Fr.s Tony and Roger for lunch. Good to see them again. I had suggested Sunday that I need some "priest time" but decided against it (see Monday entry). We chatted a bit about My Recent Past but not in any detail. I started to drive back on 45 but it was slow so I skipped over to 41 and got back before 3 and then rode the bike out to Festival for dinner stuff. It was 68 degrees today. Nice ride.

Ate, walked up to Gille's, got some soda on the way to mom's and am now about to Skype with the Spousal unit.

Here's today's Mom update:

She was kind of tired this morning, but fairly chatty. I disappeared during the middle of the day to have lunch in West Bend (never been there) with a couple of old priest friends and get absolved of my multitude of sins.
The big news is that she fell out of her recliner this afternoon. Not to worry, only a minor flesh wound resulted. The nurse who called me said she was laughing when she was on the floor, but Mom assured me that she "may have laughed once". She claims to have been attempting to stand, but may have just answered in the affirmative to placate me.
Waiting to Skype with Aunt Phyllis at the moment, and she is quite lively and speaking clearly. [Update: Skype fail. Phone backup]
I offered to pass along a message to all of her Facebook followers but she declined with a "No. I don't think so."
In other news, there is another deceased mouse somewhere in the basement based on the smell, but I was singularly unable to locate the corpse this time. Who knew I'd be spending inordinate amounts of time looking for small, furry cadavers?
I Am Become Death, apparently, (and unwittingly) Destroyer Of Mice.
That is all.