Monday, October 31, 2016

31 October 2016 (Monday)

I slept pretty well last night, but needed a lot of assistance. Just kept waking up and worrying, mostly about The Usual Issue. However, at some point I woke up and decided I was done talking about it, done thinking about it, and basically said "f*** it, I'm going to get one with things". Dunno, but I had a really great workout and my mood was just about what I would want it to be. I would hope I could keep this right where it is.

Came home, did a bit of work, and then dressed up and went to the Home. Good thing, because it started before I thought it was going to. Instead of like last year where the residents were in in their rooms, they had them all out in the lobby by the nurses station which was good. So I sat out there with them and we handed out treats. Mom had these funky glasses on that said GROOVY in weird letters and a mustache. I'm not sure she was thrilled about it, but she liked it once I was there. She did okay handing out treats. I could tell some of the kids were a little weirded out by her.

Sat there for a while and then left to go to lunch (chili cheese fries at Culver's) and then went home and started doing things. I got the recycling and trash out and then boxed up the big old TV and took it to Goodwill. Glad that's out of the house. Oh, before that I cleared out the living room and vacuumed in preparation for cleaning the carpet tomorrow. Looks nice all uncluttered in there. After Goodwill I went to Janice's and got the cleaner and tried to find cleaner fluid at the Festival, but did not luck out. Decided to go out for dinner for a change, but only went to Rocky's for pasta and salad, yawn. Went to Walmart for the fluid and walked around quite a bit there and then did a couple laps of the Mall before going to see Mom for a while. She was in good spirits and watching the football game.

So, hope today is the start of . . . I don't know what. 

Sunday, October 30, 2016

30 October 2016 (Sunday)

Slept very badly last night. I got to sleep right away, but then woke up around 1:30 and didn't go back to sleep for quite a while, and then woke up at 5:15. I laid there and tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. Went to McD's. I came home and started straightening out the living room to clean the carpet next week, but then smelled something around the basement steps and eventually found a recently deceased mouse on the floor. Eww. So I cleaned up some and then found a bowling shoe in a bowling bag with a bunch of rice in it.

Eventually I went to the Home and chatted with Mom and Jerry and Linda came by and then after they left mom had a crying jag. Well, I kept it at bay for a while with shooshing but then the nurse came in and blew it. She (mom) was going on and on about having to go to the funeral home. They took her off to lunch and she was still crying. I went to lunch and then did some shopping and then went home to prepare for the trick or treaters. Eventually got around 50 or so, I think. I bought two big 60-piece bags of candy and didn't even go through one. It was kind of fun, but not as much as I'd expected.

Oh, after coming home from McD's I broke down big time. The floodgates opened and out poured several days' worth of emotions.

Drove to Gille's and then walked around here. Aunt Phyllis is in the ER with an "a-fib attack" so I don't know how that will end either. Just more suckage, I guess.

Still processing yesterday. Mostly I just feel drained. 

29 October 2016 (Saturday)

Still deciding what to make of this day (writing it up the next morning). I slept okay. Went to breakfast with Kay at Connie's Kitchen on Main st. Apparently Dad used to go there even Saturday morning. It was meh. Crowded and service was slow, food was merely okay. Nice diner atmosphere though, I will go there for lunch once.

Went to see mom and Janice and [whoever] was there, and we went to lunch afterwards. I drove up to Chilton and met Michele there and we went to see various gravesite: Bob, Hank & Nancy, Marion. Put flowers at each and poured a libation of Lite beer at Bob's -- I tried to find some malt liquor because that's what I remembered about him -- but such does not exist around here anymore. Weather was nice.

We drove back to her house and spent the rest of the evening having dinner and watching the Badger game. Got back around 10:30.

Sadly rather confirmatory. Although we had a good talk about. . . .stuff. I said what I wanted to say and didn't say what I didn't want to say. 

Thursday, October 27, 2016

27 October 2016 (Thursday)

Missed yesterday because I went to the Home in the evening and didn't get back until almost 8 and the Spousal Unit decided she just had to talk to me then. Was busy yesterday, after the gym I came home ready to work on Coptic stuff all day -- it was raining steadily all day -- but found out I don't even start until Nov 1. So I skipped that and went to the home in the morning, later morning I think. Left there and had the famous chili cheese fries at Culver's for lunch, and then. . . .well, I came home. Decided to start cleaning out the garage. I got rid of the old gas grill, the old bicycle, a couple of old metal garbage cans, and some other odds and ends, loaded them in the back of the Equinox and drove them to the dump. And then to the grocery store to get cash, and then back to the dump and got rid of it. Picked up my new/old bag at the place that was modifying it. Looks good although the strap is shorter than I'd like. Since it was raining I drove to the DQ after dinner and then walked at the mall for a bit and tried to get some stuff at Walmart (nix) and went to Target instead. Thence to Mom's, etc.

I slept pretty well last night, but was too cold on the couch. Stayed there until 5 though. Decent workout. Worked some more on Cascadia stuff and got some Coptic stuff straightened out before heading to mom's. She'd been booted out of her room while they changed the mattress and cleaned so we chatted and Janice showed up and we chatted more. Mom was chatty but not clear. I went for lunch (starving) and then went home and cleaned out a corner of the basement, getting a bunch more stuff ready to go out. Also swept the garage floor.

I went back to see mom in the afternoon, and she was fussbudgety. Clear but not terribly coherent. Asked me if I was going to the open meeting and then if I was going to the gun shop. I said yes to the latter and asked her if she wanted me to bring her back a revolver so she could shoot her way out of the Home. Heh. Later on she said when I came back we could shoot our way out. Drove to Gille's and then walked.

The last few days I had wondered if the meds were working because I was actually in good spirits, but yesterday most of it came back. Which I didn't really mind, to be honest. Got quite teary when I went to bed, and was back to my normal wrecked self this morning. Really, I'm having trouble deciding if this stuff is actually make me feel any different at all. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

25 October 2016 (Tuesday)

Odd night. Slept until some time (I didn't look at the clock) but went down to the couch and then woke up again around -- you guessed it -- 3:30 and went back upstairs. Fell back to sleep but had looked at the clock at 4:11, too. Felt okay anyway.

I think today was the first day since I've been part of Prozac Nation that I didn't really feel crappy at the gym. Had to sit down a couple times during lunges but that was it. So maybe the side effects are starting to ebb. Had a decent workout.

Came home, did some work, then went to see Mom, a little later than usual. Janice was there and mom was telling some story or other that neither one of could fully grasp but it had something to do with her friend Phyllis and her test results. She was kind of like that all day, chatty, but about weird stuff. Later this afternoon she was on about valium and Wheel of Fortune. Sad to see her like that. I don't think it's dementia, per se, but I think she wants to talk and her memories get mixed up with the present. Cassie the hair dresser stopped in today and cut her hair, which was nice. Mom brightened up when she saw her.

I went to Rogan's to find some shoes, perhaps, but they were too pricey. $60 for Converse's! That's more than in Seattle. Had lunch at Rocky's. Then I went home and changed into shorts and went for a ride. Kind of chilly but not too bad. I did 1.5 laps around the UW campus area and came back. Then I took a load to the Goodwill and then another load to St. Vinnie's and then hung out with mom again.

The Spousal Unit texted and called this morning, had to go to the ER with a UTI last night. Probably not that bad but she was being all whiny and wanted me to come home. I was getting kind of irritated this afternoon, so I don't know how this is all going to end up. For the first time, I had actually contemplated just staying here and wasn't too flipped out about it.

Decided to walk to Gille's and back, and then went out to Festival foods to get some bottled water for the Keurig and milk and tea so I can make tea latte's here. Will probably stay here most of tomorrow and work since I haven't been doing much of it and it's supposed to be cold and rainy all day anyway. 

Monday, October 24, 2016

24 October 2016 (Monday)

Reasonably productive day today. I slept fairly well, with only minimal assistance. I moved downstairs to the love seat/couch around 12:30, and slept there until almost 4:30, which was good considering I'd gone to bed and to sleep before 9:30.

Worked out at the old place again and had a decent one, although I think these meds are making me tire easily. Am wondering if this is what it's like to be older -- I haven't really lost much strength or stamina over the years (if any) at least where workouts are concerned. Anyway, tough going even though I still worked really hard.

I worked on a report for about 45 minutes when I got back home and then drove the rental over to the place over by 23 and 41. Walk back was kind of hairy, had to cross couple of off/on-ramps with no crosswalks or anything. But made it to the SBux and then to the Home. Took about an hour and 15 minutes altogether.

Mom was doing reasonably okay today, although not as clear or coherent as over the weekend. Talked a lot of the usual odd stuff. This exchange amused me though:

Mom: 'Marian needs to go through her stuff by Thursday'.
Me: "I don't think she's going to make that DEADline.'

Hee! Too bad it was lost on her. I posted to Facebook anyway.

I left there around 11:30 and was walking down Main St to find a lunch place, but nothing appealed so I went to the 11:11 burger place and had fries. Ordered way too many. Not the best either but whatever. Then I walked the rest of the way home and was deciding whether or not to blow some leaves when I found the lawn service had already done it. So, I headed off to find a military surplus place and the first one was closed, so I went to Menard's to buy light bulbs but none were on sale -- strike 2 -- and then hit the St. Vinnie's by the mall and found some reasonable Indy pants and saw Laura Liebelt the neighbor while there so we chatted a bit. Hit a second surplus store and scored a new bag. They had quite a few including some that were like my old, old dig bag, I think a Swiss Army medic bag. The strap was in an odd place, but the guy there knew of someone just around the corner who could sew it on differently, so I went there. Whole bag thing will cost <$15. Will work okay, I think.

Went to the grocery store to get some tea K-cups and a pear. Came home and then started going through the donate piles. Some of the games and junk I will try to consign at an antique place on Main. Seems better than just donating some of them.

That took until around 4:30. Made dinner (pasta plus salad) and then walked to Gille's and then around a bit. Getting kind of cold tonight. 

Sunday, October 23, 2016

23 October 2016 (Sunday)

Yesterday was a travel day so no entry. In Wisconsin right now after the first full day. Trip out was okay. Got in at about 4, got the rental car and was on the road by 4:30 and actually was in FdL by 5:40, so excellent time. Stopped at Culver's and got a salad and soda. When I got home the inside front door was wide open. Hmmmm. I'm hoping that the person watching the house was being thoughtful and left it open this morning to air the place out. I hope. May invest in a security camera.

Went to see mom and she was chipper. Better than I thought she would be. Very clear speaking for the most part. I chatted there for about 45 minutes and then did some quick shopping (beer, soda, donut holes) and then went home. Did an update on mom on FB and also a photo of my 'groceries'.

Managed to sleep pretty well last night, although I decided on assistance at 2:30, and it worked well because I slept until 5:30. Went to McD's for breakfast, cleaned up some, then went to Mass. Meh. Got a mocha and spent the rest of the morning with mom, went to lunch, then home. And rode the bike! 65 and sunny. Nice ride but I didn't go very far. Stopped at A&W. Got home, went to grocery store, then sat on the porch in the warm and drank most of a beer. Pleasant. Spousal Unit called. Still pretty. . . upset? Whatever she is. Needy right now.

I had started to almost lapse back into my Old Self, but have arrested that and am now mostly back to where I was, although calmer. Hopefully can go to football game with Tim and Michele, which would be super wonderful.

Went to Kohl's for socks and Walmart for mouthwash and then went to see mom again for a while, called Spousal Unit so she could talk, too. Mom was tired. 

Friday, October 21, 2016

21 October 2016 (Friday)

Well, the crap hit the fan today. In serious fashion. Much came to a head with the Spousal Unit, of crisis proportions. Probably a good thing. I actually feel better now. Sucked though. Like you see on TV.

I think I performed well though, didn't try to weasel out of anything and just laid it all out there.

Slept rather badly last night, and woke up around 3:30. Workout was tough again, wiped out and almost shaky and had to sit down a lot. Decent workout though. I went to Cascadia and worked a bit and then went and got litter and came home, went to McD's, filled out my ballot, and then did some packing, or at least gathering. Everything's ready to go (well, it's packed now). Went to UVil to cash a small check and Fiona met me there. She has a book published, sort of a children's book. Neat. Came home, packed, and then the Spousal Unit came home and, well, that stuff. Feel better leaving though. Next entry will presumably be from Fond du Lac. 

Thursday, October 20, 2016

20 October 2016 (Thursday)

Felt pretty lousy all day (physically), presumably due to the meds. Took it before I worked out this morning with the usual result: low energy and sweated a lot. Although, oddly, my muscles aren't weaker; I still work out about as usual. Went downtown and got quite a bit done. This stuff may help me focus more. I'm not as impatient and want to rush through things to just get them done.

Slept badly last night, they sure aren't doing anything for that yet. I felt awful when I went to bed -- like I was either going to diarrhea or throw up (did neither) -- so I went to the TV room, woke up a little after midnight, went back to sleep, and then slept soundly until what I thought must be almost 4:30. Well, it was only like 2:10. Raining all night. Ended up sleeping until almost 5 so I didn't feel tired all day.

I left downtown at noon on the UW shuttle and then there was a car fire on I5 and we were stuck at a dead stop for about a half an hour. We finally got off at Fairview or something. Made it to Pagliacci before 1 at least and ate there, took a bus home. Did not break down this afternoon. Unfortunately. Also did a bit of laundry and worked a little more.

We took Daisy to the feet because she's been limping, the capture actually went fairly easily. Vet said just watch her. And get her to lose some weight. Hard to do because Jack grazes nicely, but she just porks down everything in sight.


Wednesday, October 19, 2016

19 October 2016 (Wednesday)

From Clarence Lyons' diary:
Jan 15 Louise is 6' [8/0] inches tall and has waist of 28 has light brown hair. blue[sic] eyes and weights[sic] 150 lbs.
I kind of don't think she's 6'8"?

Not the greatest day today. I managed to sleep quite well, but woke up like twice. I felt okay, not terribly hungover-like for most of the morning, but then started feeling kind of crappy. DIdn't eat much lunch. I spent the morning at Cascadia on the one report and then went to lunch at NGate and then came home and worked some more on that. Went to UVil to deposit a check and then got dinner stuff. Just didn't feel well.

I did take some time out and then broke down a couple of times this afternoon, which made me feel much better. Really, these meds are kind of like being in a mental straight jacket. Didn't come blurting out terribly naturally but I was less . . . frustrated? afterwards. Really kind of a bad day in that regard. Just felt lower than a snake's belly in a ditch.

Anyway. Walked at NGate. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

18 October 2016 (Tuesday)

One rather disconcerting side effect of this stuff I'm taking is this: I can't seem to cry. For the last month-plus I've broken down at least once a day, but since taking this junk, it's like a cough suppressant. It kind of sucks really since it's like I can't let anything out. I mean, not like I've ever been a big ol' crier or anything (gads, far from it), but this current stuff wiped me out. I could break down and actually feel better for a while. Not sure I like this.

Slept well, but required assistance. I'm down to waking up just once per night which is reasonably good, although I'm still waking up earlier (like 4:15) which is better than 3:30 I suppose. I decided I've been feeling awful because of the flu shot rather than the meds. Felt somewhat better today although I didn't take the meds until after I got back from the gym. Had a decent workout, although I still didn't feel up to snuff. Left here around 8 to head to Whidbey for the survey, stopping at the Slaveway for a mocha (needed sugar) and a donut (for sugar later) in case I got wiped out again (which I didn't). Bit of a traffic slowdown by 175th and then when I got to the ferry right in time to load. . . .they only put on a few cars because the next ferry had a medical emergency and needed to dock quickly. So, wait. Small boat, too. Found the site okay.

Nice easy digging, too. Mostly loose sand and gravel. It's a small bridge over some sort of tidal channel. Looked to be all fill except way at the bottom and only in one hole did that really look in situ: dark, blue-gray anoxic smelly sand. Wasn't too bad weather-wise, some sun, some clouds, some wind but I took off my sweatshirt for most of it. Drive back was uneventful. Stopped and dropped off the equipment. Got home about 3:45. Read, made dinner, walked. Spousal Unit has an appt next Tuesday so I will try to delay my trip by a week. 

Monday, October 17, 2016

17 October 2016 (Monday)

Weird day. I woke up once again, had a hard time getting back to sleep. Then only until about 4:15. But once is better than three times I guess. The workout was once again troublesome. Felt very unenergetic and had to rest a few times. It's like feeling hungover and also a sugar crash. Muscles felt okay, just no energy. I worked on Coptic stuff all morning. Went to get a mocha because I felt like I really needed sugar. Also had dry mouth at the gym.  I wonder if this isn't due to the flu shot instead of the other stuff.

Speaking of which, I'm not entirely sure I like it so far. It seems to be suppressing stuff. I suppose that's the point? Today for quite a while -- and even now -- I feel like I want to really hurt for a while and let it out. . . . .but I can't. As I've said before, intense feelings, even if they are negative ones, can be welcome.

The Coptic stuff was okay. I may have even felt more focused while working on it, not as hyper about finishing it. That would be one positive thing if that's what this stuff is doing. Mostly I was checking diagnoses and finalizing the 6- and 12-month cytology ones. Most are done, just a few with questions. Did that until 11:30. Lunch at NGate, and then I went to some place by Green Lake that has sensory deprivation chambers as recreation. Got a 2-session pass for the Spousal Unit's birthday. Don't know if I'd do it or not. I don't generally have claustrophobia, but I'm not sure I like the idea of being shut in a tank with a bunch of water. I have visions of a James Bond scene where the evil henchman locks the door and then cranks up the heater or the water level. I messaged Fiona while there and decided to meet me at SBux, so we did that and had a nice visit. Came home and did some piddling work. Walked to Metropolitan Market for a sandwich for lunch tomorrow.

Not the greatest day. 

Sunday, October 16, 2016

16 October 2016 (Sunday)

From Jean Clausen's diary:
The club probably refered[sic] to in diary is the English Club in Oakley's room (205). I'm president now. 8B-4 1936. Feb-May.
Wasn't dated.

Prozac Nation Day 3: Only woke up last night once, at around midnight for probably 45 minutes. Needed assistance to get back to sleep. But then I slept until almost 5. Still, felt sleepy all morning, almost like I'd gotten too much sleep, if that makes sense. But one period awake is better than 2-4 that I usually have. Still, don't like this sleepiness. It goes away later on in the day. At times -- especially after seeing something on Facebook that I did not want to see -- I felt like I really wanted to get really sad. . . .but couldn't. May be because I wasn't alone much (at all) today. Perhaps this is the leveling out effect. I was thinking that I didn't know what to expect from this stuff. On the one hand, I'm thinking it should calm me down as it gets rid of the anxiety; on the other hand, it's an anti-depressant so I suppose I should be getting brighter? I don't know. I'd be okay with it just enabling me to cement in place the things I want to change.

At any rate, Spousal Unit still feeling poorly, though not quite as upset with me (apparently). Think she's just got a lot of nerves and that make her guts act up. I went to Mass. Felt weird for parts of it, partly because I think I was too warm, but it could be the medication as well. Also my back hurt. Glad I went though. Took a shorty nap when I got back. Did the usual for lunch and junk.

I sat around for a bit when we got back but then decided to rake the back yard. I didn't even rush through it to get it done as I have wont to do, which also may be another thing with the meds. I would like it if it would just let me focus on things. I had my headphones in and listened to piano music, too, so it was kind of calming out there just raking. Had a bit of a blister which actually just kind of tore off, ergh.

Walked at NGate because it's raining again.

So I dunno. Would probably have been a downer of a day, but the junk I'm taking may have ameliorated that somewhat. 

Saturday, October 15, 2016

15 October 2016 (Saturday)

Prozac Nation Day 2: Not sure I can tell any difference, although I felt sleepy all day. Didn't feel any less. . .I dunno, sad. No breakdowns but was amongst people all day. Not the best night sleeping either. Nor for the Spousal Unit.

Much marital strife this morning. No screaming and such. . .but it was fairly bad. Due to my silence and other things mostly, although I think the recent (potential) medical issue is a large contributing factor. Anyway, not fun.

Went to Norma's this morning sans Spousal Unit. Kind of boring because I was tired -- although I'd probably taken a good 20 minute nap earlier -- so I didn't say much and it was only Norma and one of her daughters. Didn't do much this afternoon except go to lunch and the grocery store. Walked at NGate due to rain. Hasn't been as windy as they thought yet, but it poured earlier. The drain over on 67th was plugged and almost the whole street there (it's in the middle) was flooded. A few years ago it clogged and poured over into Butch's back yard and probably into his house. We unclogged it.

So. Kind of a crucial day. And not in a good way. 

Friday, October 14, 2016

14 October 2016 (Friday)

Prozac Nation Day 1: No apparent changes as of yet. At the gym this morning I felt kinda. . . .off. About 2/3 of the way through I got kind of shaky and felt like I was going to be in some serious GI distress, but . . . . well, let's just say it wasn't as bad as I'd thought and I felt better afterwards and continued on for a halfway decent workout. I think that may have been from either something I ate or the flu shot. Mood-wise, today wasn't any better or worse. No breakdowns, but was around people almost all day.

Slept okay, but mainly due to chemistry. The physician was asking if I needed anymore ambien so I wasn't all worried about being cut off or anything. But whatever. When I got up at 2 the Spousal Unit was also awake and don't think she slept much. She is very worried about her medical issue, which was also directed at me which irritated me.

I went to Cascadia this morning and got some stuff done. Came back for lunch. Spousal Unit did't eat much. Came home, I worked on my little presentation for next week, went to UVil for dinner stuff. Stormy and windy and rainy nearly all day. More tomorrow.

Basically today sucked.

Fate is an asshole. 

Thursday, October 13, 2016

13 October 2016 (Thursday)

Funny day. Slept mostly badly, as usual. Workout was okay, although when I woke up (ca. 3:45 again) my back hurt like the dickens.

I went to the doctor today and. . . .got a prescription. For a prozac-type substance. I decided to post this here in order to track things for future reference. I've been mulling this over for probably 4-5 years, but tried to get past it without chemical means first. It's not really 'depression' or perhaps not even generalized 'anxiety' that much; it's sleeping. I'm sick of waking up in the middle of the night and worrying like crazy. The past few weeks have little to do with going for it now either. I'm okay being sad. As I've written earlier, it's not such a bad thing, sadness. It makes one feel alive; and I've in a way felt more alive recently than I have in years. And it can be helpful; I'm changing things I want to change and need to change.

I admit I worry that if this stuff works it will get rid of all that. I don't really want that. I need it to change. I'm hoping it will just act something like noise-cancelling headphones and just filter out some of the overactive noise. Let's hope anyway. I'll try to keep track of any side effects here. I start on it tomorrow morning.

Otherwise, I went there, went to the UDist to get a new copy of Parallels for Mac (runs Winblows) because my old one doesn't work with the new OS anymore, and had lunch at Pagliacci with a whole mess of kids. Came home, worked some, Spousal Unit came home, went to doctor, too, and then I went to UVil to get my prescription and had some chocolate milk at the SBux for a bit. Worked more.

Spousal Unit snuck onto my iPad and saw a goofy thing I sent to Shannon (my anonymous romance-writer friend) and freaked out. She does that. If I talk about some other female too much, it's obvious I want to have sex with her; if I don't say anything and then she finds out, I'm obviously keeping secrets and I want to have sex with her.

Well, she did get referred to a gyno because the doctor found her cervix a little funny. But whatever. She's always been like this, it'll blow over. Plus, the stuff I care about these days is rather limited and her getting all jealous isn't one of those things.

Rained all day. Still raining, heavily. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

12 October 2016 (Wednesday)

Sept 25 '52. Barbara is 5'1" inches[sic] tall and has a waist of 24 inches has blond hair, blue eyes and weights[sic] 94 pounds. Ring size 4 1/2. Dress size 12. Sweater size 34. Bra [22.0] 34A. Dec. 22 is the longest night of the year.
Odd, I was always seeing Barbara as a petite brunette, but she appears to be kind of a chunky blond.

Slept about the same last night, until around 4. Decent enough workout. Back really hurt first thing. Came home and did an online meeting with some Fred Hutch people (the, ugh, Anogenital Translational Research Group) which was pretty dull except I found out that smoking seems to be a significant risk factor for some cancers of the naughty bits. Odd, never saw that before I don't think.

Right after that I headed to the Lowes to get more river rock ("Roca de Rio") and got 12 bags of the stuff (probably about 600 lbs' worth) and hauled it home and dumped it. Decided to go back right away for another 12, also got gas at the Spam's Club and made it home before noon and unloaded it all. Back did okay, although it's kind of sore this evening, depending on how I sit. I went to McD's for lunch before spreading it around. I think maybe another 10-12 bags will do it. May do that Friday as tomorrow is supposed to be really rainy. The remnants of a typhoon are coming through at some point so the next several days will prove to be very wet.

I had downloaded the new Apple OS and it's got Siri on it, their personal assistant that's supposed to understand English and junk. Ha. Not.

Me: Open the mail program.
Siri: I didn't quite get that.
Me: Open the f***ing mail program.
Siri: That's not nice.
Me: Tough do it anyway.
Siri: Interesting question, TONY FOR GOD'S SAKE.
Me: Oh just shut up.
Siri: That's not nice.
Me: ctrl-Q

I posted that to Facebook, my first post in over a month. I'm trying to. . . .change how I present myself, online and in person. I thought that was sufficiently. . .I dunno. Curmudgeonly? At any rate, I felt good about it.

I waited around for a Skype call that never came. Used an L-bracket I bought to attach the temporary support post to the cross beam, and then went to the UVil to get some brats and also talked with Verizon guy, who was a rather stunningly attractive guy (I think). Decent chap, too, reduced our bill by $55 a month. Will order new phones for the Spousal Unit and myself tomorrow or Friday. Am going to switch to iPhone even though I hate having all Apple junk, but the Android and my Mac simply don't get along very well. That took a while.

Came home, broke down. Yay.

Then I made dinner. Walked. Yippee skippee.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

11 October 2016 (Tuesday)

Love took up the harp of Life, and smote on all the chords with might;
Smote the chord of Self, that, trembling, pass'd in music out of sight.
That's from Lockley Hall by Tennyson. Seemed. . . .appropriate.

Mostly slept okay last night. I woke up a tad before 4 but that was okay as I'd not been awake much before that. Lower back hurt most of the day. I tried running at the gym thinking that would help but it didn't. However, riding the cycle for 5 minutes did. Remember that. Otherwise, the workout went well. Despite the back I did the usual things and, though it hurt, I did okay.

Came home and then dropped some stuff off at the church on my way to Cascadia. I did some work on the one report there and left around 11:45. I was going to go to NGate for lunch and then drop off the cable equipment, but realized I didn't have my wallet. On the way my phone rang and it was the Home calling me in on the care conference call. Mom seems to be back to where she was before the latest event. Is eating all on her own and doing well with that, but mostly refusing to do any sort of physical therapy. I wouldn't have expected that from her. I would have thought she'd be stubbornly trying to do things even if she couldn't very well. Either I don't know her very well or perhaps the stroke has changed her in some way. But at least she's relatively stable. That makes me feel better, at least a bit, but it all still makes me sad.

Went to McD's after that (call was at noon) and then drove the cable stuff up. I came home, drank a small glass of chocolate milk and then cleaned off the roof in preparation for the rain Thursday. Not much junk up there, oddly. Also raked and mowed the back yard of debris. Made dinner, walked, etc.

Monday, October 10, 2016

10 October 2016 (Monday)

Managed to sleep pretty well last night and was consequently in a better mood for most of the day. At least, I believe that was the primary cause. Had a very good workout. Very crowded today, as it's still the first couple weeks of the quarter, but I didn't have any trouble with any equipment. My right shoulder continues to improve and I have been benching with a free bar which seems to have helped. I had a slight (yet temporarily painful) strain on my left lids lats this morning after having picked up Daisy and held her for a butt cleaning. It went away during the workout, but shortly before noon my lower back started really hurting. May have been the ab-machine, those tend to mess with my back.

I went to Cascadia for the morning and worked on the one report. The background went okay although the ethnographic stuff was pretty spotty based on previous reports. We're supposed to cite where various villages and such were, but they are poorly mapped in this area so I lifted some stuff from an earlier report. Hopefully it'll fly.

I did that until 11:40 and then went to NGate for lunch and then came home and worked a bit more on the mapping. Went to UVil for milk and chocolate milk. I've been drinking a small glass of the latter every afternoon for some reason. Have lost some weight mostly around the middle. Losing one's appetite does that.

Watched the third Captain America movie last night (Civil War) and it was okay. I like how they've done the character for this series; they've written him well, not as a burly aggressive grunt, but also not as a modern namby-pamby either. Also the actor -- Chris Evans -- plays it well, too. The interesting thing about this movie was that they've actually addressed issues that had never really come up with super heroes before: how such a thing might actually work in the real world. They used to be just plain Good Guys who did no wrong. But their actions could have consequences. What about collateral damage? What about mistakes? What if their presence invites bad guys? It was an interesting storyline there, although everybody seemed to think the U.N. was awesome, not the corrupt organization it really is. Still, an interesting take on the genre. 

Sunday, October 9, 2016

9 October 2016 (Sunday)

7/13/39: Prosser. Pasco. Yakima -- Started up Pass Naches High swell -- snow on mountains, rain on this side. Stopped at grandma's. (saw cowboys & Indians etc.). Home again. 1012 miles. 
Apparently quite a long road trip. All of what she's written has been in eastern Washington.

Slept fairly well, although woke up at ca. 3:45 and couldn't go back to sleep. Took two shortish naps this morning and that seems to have sufficed well enough. Watched NASCAR stuff most of the morning. Left for lunch and grocery shopping etc., as usual. Nothing exciting. Made a trip to get more river rock for the side yard, thus far 17 bags of it and about 1/4-1/3 coverage. Technically, we won't need all 150 square feet because a portion of it is blocked off by the window. There are two holly bushes there serving as theft deterrents. It has deterred the meter reader more than once as well. Need to keep them pruned.

After that I did a couple of chores and then installed the new cable router and box. The rates went up a few months ago to over $250 and I put off doing anything about it. Finally contacted a competitor and got a price and then called Comcast and threatened to leave, so they gave us a great package. Includes a DVR which will probably never be used. Didn't take too long, maybe an hour all told.

Cloudy most of the day but no rain although it is raining a bit as I type this. Walked a bit early and will watch the latest Captain America movie instead of either football or the stupid presidential debate. We're heading towards Greece status anyway so it doesn't make a difference who we elect at virtually any level anyway. All we have now are an amateur jackass and a criminal. I hope perhaps in the future, dear reader, you save some good thoughts about us. I'm not sure how we let it slip away, but mainly through apathy, although I am certain it is the very nature of things. 

Saturday, October 8, 2016

8 October 2016 (Saturday)

Adequate sleep last night for the most part, with little assistance. Was not that cold overnight due to storm coming in; it was raining nearly all day, never very heavily, but steadily. Has slowed up this evening fortunately. Stayed in for breakfast.

Did little this morning save for football and dozing off a couple of times. Left for the Spousal Unit's hair appt in the UDist at around 11. I went to the U Bookstore and found a book to read which I ended up buying: Confederates in the Attic. I read some while waiting and some more this afternoon. It's quite good so far. It's written by a northern Jew who had a long fascination with the Civil War and so far it's not the smarmy, sneering sort of thing you might expect. For myself, my ancestors -- the original males that came to this country initially anyway -- both fought on the Union side and one (dad's) eventually went down south whence he originated. It's only the last few years that I've become somewhat conflicted about the War. One thing very much struck me watching Ken Burns' Civil War series. Shelby Foote noted that many people say that we here in America have never lost a war, but that's wrong: the South lost. The rest of us have trouble understanding how they have reacted to that. It's rather naive of us, I think, although we simply don't have the experience that many other people, here and abroad, do. Anyway, I'm liking it.

Stopped at Lowe's and got some river rock for the side yard, 7 bags worth (out of 50 we need eventually). Heavy stuff. I'll probably do like 10 bags at a time over the next couple of weeks. I laid that down this afternoon in about 20 minutes. Sat around and watched football and read the rest of the time. Walked at NGate because of the rain.

I used leftover meatloaf to make meatloaf shepherd's pie. Delicious.

Spousal Unit is getting concerned about my moodiness. That's okay, she'll get used to it. As will everybody else, eventually, I suppose.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Thursday, October 6, 2016

6 October 2016 (Thursday)

Odd day today. Did not break down (yet), but it's not over yet. Plus I was around people nearly all day. I probably would have were I alone. I had something of a change in attitude perhaps. I don't know.

Slept okay last night. Had a good workout, still light weights for the leg stuff. I went straight to Cascadia and think I got quite a bit done today on the one big bid and a couple of other things. I left there at 11 and stopped at a florist to get the Spousal Unit birthday flowers. Went out for lunch. When I came home I worked on entering probe forms for a couple of hours and then started the birthday dinner preparations a little after 3. Despite my mood and emotional state I will continue to full fill all of my humanly duties to the best of my ability. Had New York strip steaks, maybe a little less done than they should have been but I'm learning to be okay with pink meat. Potatoes and green beans. Spousal Unit made Haupia cake, a Hawaiian type thing with coconut. Walked at NGate due to the rain.

So I dunno. 

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

5 October 2016 (Wednesday)

15 January 1954 Ask Louise to go steady with me tonight while we were down here at my place in my bedroom listening to the radio. It was about 12:30 and we had just gotten back from a church party after a basketball game that we had played at.
That was Clarence again. They were married in September of that year.

Another rough day. I slept well though. The Big Problem of a couple of days ago is still embarrassing but was all worked out and I don't even care that much anymore. Was mostly just mopey today instead of frustrated. I slept okay last night. Had a good workout. I went straight to Cascadia from the gym and did some work there and then about 10 I found I had to go up to Whidbey because the excavator thought I had said it was okay and since he hadn't heard back yesterday just figured he could go ahead. Which he should have known otherwise, but it wasn't a big deal. So I went straight from there in my regular street clothes and borrowed some died equipment from Jana and it was okay. I left about 10:15 and got there at around 12:15 with a stop at a store for some lunch material. Nothing of importance was disturbed. Weather was nice.

Last time I went through this I kept it all bottled up and drank it away (ha, 'away') and ended up blowing years of my life on a PhD.

However, it will also be a test of the New Me which I hope she notices. In a good way.

Yes, I broke down sobbing again later this afternoon, while I was playing my guitar. "I am Weary (Let me rest)". 

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

4 October 2016 (Tuesday)

The suckage continues.

Slept badly last night, needing much assistance. Well, not really 'badly', I ended up sleeping well, though most of it on the floor. Well, all of it. The fallout from yesterday. And today it just got worse. I think the suckitude has officially passed that of 1984. Portions of today I felt at least as low as then and probably more so. I do so hope this is The Bottom. The denouement, as it were, was this afternoon with an episode with the Spousal Unit. Which sucked. And I ended up letting on how much I think I suck lately. I don't know. I wish I could just dry up and blow away.

Despite, or more likely because of, all this, I had a very productive day. Good leg workout; I am doing some basic things with very light weight to try to get my knee back slowly. Even shared a bar with a chick -- an empty bar. But I think I will be pleasantly sore tomorrow.

Went downtown and got all of my needed tasks done. Walked down to meet Janet for lunch. I adore her. We had a really nice visit. Her husband is worried about his job as well. Not good to be a male these days.

I took the stupid train home and it was slow. My 76 express bus is much quicker and, of course, billions of dollars cheaper.

I put some edging on the side yard in preparation for fabric and gravel, that went okay. Then I went to the hardware store and got the cloth and anchors and came home and did that. Was impressed with myself. But then, what else am I supposed to do?

Anyway. Yes, this last month has probably been about the lowest of my life. I think I've sobbed like a 2-year old every day but one for the last month. I can only hope it will form a solid base for whatever comes later. One hopes. 

Monday, October 3, 2016

3 October 2016 (Monday)

Not much to say today. I failed. Utterly, miserably, and completely failed. It's like I learned absolutely nothing in the last few weeks. Once things got a little better I slipped right back into my old ways.

Looks like I have to say morose for a long time yet. 

Sunday, October 2, 2016

2 October 2016 (Sunday)

7/13/39 got [sic] dogs at both places - both pretty & hot. bought[sic] purse in pullman - almost rain[sic] out of gas in mt. came[sic] down Lewiston Hill 200 ft drop. collected[sic] grain - wheat etc. stopped[sic] at Walla W.
That was Jean again. She didn't use capital letters to start any of the sentences and it really was 'rain'.

Today I actually chose some non-solo-piano music to listen to. Perhaps the first in over three weeks. Alan Parsons. An old album (Ammonia Avenue) I listened to back in the early 1980s when I went through something similar.

Have not broken down yet. Perhaps this will be the first day? I did stay fairly calm and. . . .'low' I guess you would call it. That's not the right word. Maybe it is.

I slept fairly okay, although woke up at 2:30 and started wigging out. I took a tiny little dose of ambien and popped almost right back to sleep until a little after 5. Didn't go to Mass because all the school kids were going to be there. I did some chores instead, took a short nap, etc. Went to the UVil as usual.

Had intestinal ailments this afternoon so I didn't do much of anything. Might have been the whipping cream I used in the pancakes this morning (not enough buttermilk and no regular milk). Maybe it had turned? I dunno. Spousal Unit seems to have it now.

I really feel like I've been physically ill for the last 3 weeks. I don't know how this will all work out. I don't like having gone through it. Who am I kidding, I'm not through it yet. It does feel like a turning point though, one which I haven't had in a long time. Perhaps not since 1984. Then, I knew where I was headed. Not, not so much.

Sic transit gloria mundi. 

Saturday, October 1, 2016

1 October 2016 (Saturday)

Had a relapse today, of a sort.

Slept reasonably okay. Went out for breakfast. Hung out the rest of the morning and then went to Renton to the Walmart. I needed to go there for Luzianne tea because they're the only ones who sell it. And I got more basic supplies (contact lens stuff, etc.) so I can avoid Target. Had lunch down there, drove back home, heavy traffic for no apparent reason. Watched some of the Badger game (lost to Michigan 14-7), made dinner, etc. Walked at NGate because it was pouring down rain.

Broke down once today in somewhat minor fashion, mainly because I was around people all day, including the Spousal Unit. I don't like it when she sees me cry. So, you know. Still pretty sad all day. Which is good. Was slipping back into the old ways a bit yesterday while I was being optimistic.

I just learned there's a way to print out my entire blog here into something like a book format. I will do that someday. I don't want this whole thing to be lost in a computer crash. I would have to put in a safe deposit box though.

Also, here is my first entry from 2011.