Wednesday, September 28, 2016

27 September 2016 (Tuesday)

Typing this in as we’re nearing Anacortes. Spent the day on Orcas. Not a bad day overall. Slow morning. They were pounding in pilings all morning which I didn’t really have to see, but this afternoon they pulled out old pilings which I had to. Nothing much, a little slumped midden next to one.

Managed to sleep okay last night although I used assistance twice to make sure I did. Had difficulty falling asleep which felt like it does when I’m stressed out although I shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s this whole Situation.

Speaking of which, I drove for about a mile and a half from Deer Harbor to the ferry dock sobbing. Really, I haven’t gone a single day since this started without breaking down at least once. Not really complaining; I need it. I need to wallow in the sadness so all the hoped-for changes set in. I don’t mind just sitting alone without anything to read or music to listen to; I never used to be able to do that. I look forward to being alone with my thoughts, bad as many (most?) of them are. Except in the radio in the car when I’m not alone all I’ve listened to is piano music. I think that one day I will look back on this period with a lot of fondness and nostalgia despite how miserable I feel now. Miserable, yes, but in a way I haven’t felt this alive in years. 

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