Saturday, September 10, 2016

10 September 2016 (Saturday)

First day post-Clarence. I would have said a few words as something of a eulogy of our time together but, frankly, it's not something I care about the last couple of days. Today was again a bad day all around. I slept badly and woke up at 3:30, but I really didn't care. I haven't been this emotionally devastated in probably 30 years. Deaths are a sad and heart-rending affair, but this is. . . .I think different. And worse in many ways.

I broke down and wept three times yesterday; only once today (so far) but have been largely on the verge of tears all day, not breaking down only because I was around the Spousal Unit most of the day.  My mom had a setback and it suddenly really sunk in that she cold not even be there when I get back and that could be the end of my trips to Wisconsin. That makes me incredibly sad. My appetite is barely there. I don't really care about much of anything. If I were single and alone I probably wouldn't have eaten the last couple of days. Just sucks. 

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